April 2010
2 posts
Random Quotes That Could Plausibly Be About "The...
“The logistics behind this would be an absolute nightmare, but I would not be surprised if this eventually goes into place for coach passengers.”
Hat tip to Joe Reid.
Things You Can Yell After You've Already Released...
“Release the crackers!”
“Release the Dokken!”
“Release the knickers!”
“Release the Fichtner!”
“Release the chicken!”
“Release the tickles!”
“Release the Heckerling!”
“Release the vacuum!”
“Release the wiccan!”
“Release the Packers!”
“Release Slim Pickens!”
...
March 2010
10 posts
I Hate Him. He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?
Hat tips to Pamie and TheeErin
Road Signs For Carol
From The Fictional Desk Of
Hat tip to Pamie.
Garfield Minus Garfield Plus Fruit Preserves
Stereotyping People By Their Favourite Canned Bean
Kidney: You still wet your bed
Baked (with pork): You have a shoe fetish
Black: You brush your teeth too hard/have receding gums
Pinto: You are very responsible about contributing to your 401K
Garbanzo (a.k.a. “Chickpeas”): You get really bad coffee breath
Baked (vegetarian): You’re functionally illiterate
Lima: You tell people your best friend is your mother
Refried: You...
Sting's Wandering Beard
First Draft Propaganda Posters
Will Shortz Facts
Will Shortz is so confident, he even did his SAT with a ballpoint pen.
When Will Shortz does a Sudoku, each line doesn’t add up to 9: it adds up to infinity.
The theme for EVERY Will Shortz crossword puzzle is “KICKINGASS.”
A picture’s worth a thousand words. A picture of Will Shortz is worth a thousand words that only contain vowels.
Will Shortz starts out easy but as...
Animal Detectives!
Celebrity Bucket Lists
Sell out Radio City Music Hall
Bleed onstage at the MTV VMAs
Kill a True Blood star in a video
Perform live for the Queen of England
Pose in a strap-on for a magazine cover
Complete a solo skydive
Appear as a panelist on The Marriage Ref
Read the complete J.R.R. Tolkien bibliography
Master conversational Dutch
Finish a 72-oz steak (and fixins)
Get a job at Polaroid
- Lady Gaga
February 2010
14 posts
Overextended Brands
Fuck My Lent
Today, I was driving on the highway in the middle of nowhere when my rear left tire blew out. Night was starting to fall so with no other cars to be seen, I thought I’d better get in touch with triple-A. Too bad I made a promise to the Lord that I wouldn’t use my cell phone again until Easter Sunday. FMLent
I agree, your Lent sucks (42) - It’s nothing compared to the suffering...
Gone Fishing But Here's Star Wars Farts
We’re offline for a short spell so here’s a link to a 1999 project of ours that’s very FBDesque — Star Wars Farts.
If you enjoy FBD please spread the word on Tumblr, blogs, Facebook, Twitter and tell your mom about it over the telephone. Thanks for reading!
Dog Says What?
Rejected Improv Everywhere "Missions"
The No Eyeglasses Bus Ride
Swarming The Smart Car
Best Job Interview Ever!
Hijacking The Semi Full Of Bud Light
Central Park Komodo Dragon Adoption Fair
Best Social Services Home Visit Ever!
Subway Eyebrow Waxer
Museum Of Natural History Caveman Flash Mob
Best Pap Smear Ever!
OH NO! Expired Coupon!
I Eat The Worst Fruits
I thought it might make sense to branch out in the fruit department from my usual apples, oranges, and bananas; going exotic seemed like it might be an interesting experiment. But then I brought home this thing that was absolutely COVERED in fur, and once I got past the pelt…well, it was a pretty underwhelming blend of flesh and seeds that resembled nothing so much as a flavorless...
Farts of the Crimean War
Everything As A Travel Poster
WTF Car Notes
Proper Treats
Wilford Brimley Pooping Hot Pockets from a Trapeze
Hat tip to Alex Blagg.
Far Side Stockphotos
Ha Ha Ha, Biff. Guess what? After we go to the drug store and the post office, I’m going to the vet’s to get tutored.
Inadvertently, Roy dooms the entire Earth to annihilation when, in an attempt to be friendly, he seizes their leader by the head and shakes vigorously.
Welcome to Hell… here’s your accordion.
Bummer of a birthmark, Hal.
Donning his new canine...
Sophisticated Breakfast
January 2010
24 posts
Yo Momma Is Concerned
Dear Jeffrey,
I’m sorry to bother you with this message when I know you are at work, but as you know, now that we are Facebook “Friends,” I can see what sorts of things your pals write on your “wall” and I think someone is very misinformed.
First of all: I am not so fat that I have a wooden leg with a kickstand. Yes, I have put on a little bit of weight since I went...
Delegate
An Inconvenient CAPTCHA
Texts From M. Night
Jaegerbombs @ bar!
OMG w/ hot grl.
Srsly hott.
Going 2 motel!
Nice place.
Spacious.
Vibratin bed :)
WTF. Sticky floors
Cant move. Help!
OMG I’m a cockroach!
ROACH MOTEL!
- Hat tip to Joe Reid
Disaster Michael Cera
We're On Vacation
Fucking Book Deal is off to Los Angeles to learn how to make Kitten Juice. We’ll return Thursday!
darcy! lost sock @ nthrfld
bare ft
ankle galore
- Jane Austen’s Sexting
Common Knowledge Infographics
Imma Tellin A Ghost Story!
Downskirt
Non-Trending Topics
#NCAAlacrosse
#iftheresonethingiabsolutelycannotstandaboutexpressingmyselffullyontwitteritisthefrustratinglydraconiananddogmaticonehundredandfortychararac
#jasonrobardsnude
#thefurtheradventuresofplutonash
#cardinalsthebirdsnottheteam
#polkinaugurationspeech
#whatsthisthingonmyback
#downwiththepoundsymbol
#wafflejuice
#CAPSLOCKFORREADABILITY
#extrateeth
#toomanycontinents
...
Fuck Yeah Cyrillic
Bad Checks
Villainous Rage Dumps
WTF Airbag!
“Anti-theft mirrors effectively deter shoplifters of all store products, with the...”
– “Fake A&P Stylebook”
Bad Frame Choice
Drunk or Southern?
Hat tip to Sarah Bunting.
“If you’re going to go to the trouble of putting together a Christmas concert, why would you make it SO OBVIOUS to your audience that you hadn’t even put the toddlers through even one dress rehearsal?!?! Some will say, “Okay, Harry, don’t you realize that a one-year-old doesn’t have the patience to rehearse ‘High-Fiving Santa’?!” Fine. I get it. So then if the number’s going to be sloppy,...
Subtitles Fail
Math Faces of Meth
Let Me Tell You 'Bout Yo Mammal
Yo mammal’s teats lactate so heavily, when she nurses her offspring on the beach, she affects the tides!
Yo mammal’s neocortex is so well-evolved, she has the motor skills to jerk your buddy off AND the sensory perception to tell when he’s ditched her in the alley afterward!
Yo mammal’s delivered so many live young, her birth canal’s a crucial conduit of...
...And Introducing Jaden Smith
Dinosaurs Dealing With Mortality