Look At This Fucking Idea For A Blog-To-Book Deal

Random Quotes That Could Plausibly Be About “The Human Centipede”

"The logistics behind this would be an absolute nightmare, but I would not be surprised if this eventually goes into place for coach passengers."

Hat tip to Joe Reid.

Things You Can Yell After You’ve Already Released The Kraken

  • "Release the crackers!"
  • "Release the Dokken!"
  • "Release the knickers!"
  • "Release the Fichtner!"
  • "Release the chicken!"
  • "Release the tickles!"
  • "Release the Heckerling!"
  • "Release the vacuum!"
  • "Release the wiccan!"
  • "Release the Packers!"
  • "Release Slim Pickens!"
  • "Release the gherkin!"
  • "Release the Jergens!"

Stereotyping People By Their Favourite Canned Bean

Kidney: You still wet your bed

Baked (with pork): You have a shoe fetish

Black: You brush your teeth too hard/have receding gums

Pinto: You are very responsible about contributing to your 401K

Garbanzo (a.k.a. “Chickpeas”): You get really bad coffee breath

Baked (vegetarian): You’re functionally illiterate

Lima: You tell people your best friend is your mother

Refried: You give money to buskers — even crappy ones

Yankee: You’re that guy from that one Seinfeld who dated Elaine and then had a stroke

Green: You’re scared of fresh vegetables

Will Shortz Facts

  • Will Shortz is so confident, he even did his SAT with a ballpoint pen.
  • When Will Shortz does a Sudoku, each line doesn’t add up to 9: it adds up to infinity.
  • The theme for EVERY Will Shortz crossword puzzle is “KICKINGASS.”
  • A picture’s worth a thousand words. A picture of Will Shortz is worth a thousand words that only contain vowels.
  • Will Shortz starts out easy but as the week goes on, he gets real hard.